I started this Fighter Diet ( @Fighter_Diet ) technically 4 days ago if you count today. The challenge actually started today but I have to be ahead of everyone so I started counting nutrients and measuring stuff on Sunday. I put my book together with all the support docs they give us and also included log sheets for the next 40 or so days of the 87-ish that make up the challenge. I have all the workout logs and the food breakdowns in there. It’s my bible for the next 12 weeks! Ok, that’s not so strange as I am an organized person to a fault. Not perfect of course because attention to details in some things isn’t where it could be but mostly I hold the title for organizational queen. Today however, I went out at lunch and bought the stuff to make these weird looking but very popular, pancakes (or waffles) that everyone taking the challenge is raving about. Not only did I buy the ingredients I didn’t have at home but I also bought an alternate for variety or choice if I don’t like the first one. I also bought another ingredient that is in my book because it looked healthy and good and just 4 days in I’m starting to get sick of the same foods every day. NO, what I’m sick of mostly is writing down the same stupid foods every day on my sheet. Not sure why that’s bugging me but it is. So now I’ll have a choice but whatever happened to waiting to see how at least week 1 panned out before jumping all in? Clearly I’m a fan of this program and I’ve thrown caution to the wind because I’m convinced it’s going to work for me despite my reservations about the food consumption. You see, I already work out as much if not more than they tell the participants to do in the program. Many of this group are out of shape with little to no fitness in their life so for them this program will be a godsend. For me I’m hoping that counting my nutrients and drinking a TON of water above what I usually get down in conjunction with upping and switching up my weight workouts a little will be the difference. Having people to talk to about what I’m doing who understand it because they too are living it is helpful. Seeing other people’s motivation and success/ failures makes me feel normal and having drank the proverbial Coolaid is helping motivate me to keep going every day. Seeing all these before pictures of people who also jumped in head first is inspiring. Probably why I sent in my pictures because who the hell cares what I look like except me. It all boils down to the fact that I’m stoked to be doing this. I’m happy that there are coaches with what seems like endless patience for people who could answer their own questions if they would just READ the material that was handed out. One of the things that I like most about this challenge is that I don’t set the workouts. I have to follow what they set forthe as the workout for the week. I can’t change it, skip it (well I could but I won’t), substitute it at all. No one is monitoring me but me and I really don’t want to be on the other side of that face in the mirror. I’m more motivated to follow a specific plan laid out week by week than I am continuing to lay out a new plan for myself and going at the moderate workout in an average way.
I am a foodie plain and simple. I love food. I live to eat good food and thankfully I am a modified good eater that broke old bad food habits. I wake up thinking about what is for breakfast, lunch and dinner and go to bed thinking about the next day’s food adventure! Well, I never would have thought that I would be bitching about how much food I have to eat but here I am dreading all the food I must eat today. Now when I say dread I don’t mean I don’t want to…..I just am not looking forward to actually consuming that much food. I am now on Pauline Nordin’s Fighter Diet. I don’t follow her recipes but those are just suggestions for those who can’t get going or need tight guidance. I don’t need this. It’s a program with a specific workout regimen and a very specific plan for counting calories, proteins, carbs and fats. Well let me be the first to say that I LOVE the organization and planning part of this diet but I HATE actually writing it all down and planning meals for the day. Such a pain in the ass but I’m doing it. This plan calls for ME (specific calculation based on where I want to get to) to actually eat 2,175 calories! OMFG! I usually hover around 1,100 – 1,400 per day and maybe a scooch more on workout days which is pretty much every day. 2,175 doesn’t sound like much but believe me when it isn’t coming from shit you’re just shoving in your face but from calculated planning it’s a shit ton of food. I eat all damn day long! Now no complaints from me about eating but it seems like I never stop. I will say that having to write it all down and be accountable for each thing I am eating is a major stopper to just snacking whenever I want. Having to report to myself for each calorie and try to stay under the daily limit took me over an HOUR last night to plan out. I added and then subtracted foods, erased things and did the re-add thing for all the numbers until I got as close as I could for the day. It is never going to be dead on to my planned max for each of the 4 categories but I do my best. Which is all I can do. I’m nervous about putting on weight because of all this food but my friend Cherrie says to have faith in the plan because she’s proof that it works like it should and if you follow your plan. I signed up because I want to look good for my age…well better anyway. I signed up so I am not a blanket dweller at the beach who is afraid to show some skin because it’s all cellulite. I don’t want to get all mushy or mushier and if I can tighten my core for a good Falmouth this year I’ll be super happy not to mention that looking ok in a bathing suit at the company outing in a few weeks would be outstanding too. That one is just a bonus. So this is an experiment for me to see how good I can be and how well it will work. I want to learn how to feed my body and make it do what I want. It should be interesting so stay tuned for Fighter Diet updates. My Bad Ass B friends are all doing it so it’s more fun in a group. So happy these ladies are my friends!
So this past weekend I thought my son was missing. He’s 20 and abroad for an internship that was a surprise find. He’s super smart and resourceful and mostly street smart but above all he’s human. Now we hear from him every day even if it’s just a text saying hello. Friday he said he wanted to call on Saturday which was fine. Negotiating the time difference can be challenging but we make it work. Saturday came and was nearly over and his girlfriend texted asking if we had heard from him yet. She is a little bit of a nervous person so we work with that when it happens. She said he wasn’t responding to any communication to her at all. No texts, Facebook messages, Snapchat, email …. nothing. We hadn’t but we figured we would. I reassured her that it was probably a dead phone and told her to relax and go do something to keep herself busy so she didn’t think about it. By 11pm I was a bit worried because it wasn’t like him not to send at least a quick note. I sent him a text before I went to bed for what would end up a restless poor sleeping night and laid my head down. In the morning….no John. No messages from John and he’s not even answering his father. Ok, in my head my son is now a missing person. I go about my morning trying not to panic but the plants in my yard know what was really going on as I sobbed and confessed my horrible fears to them as I watered them. By 11 am we were now compiling the numbers of all the people we need to call to find him if he doesn’t show up to work on Monday. The internship people, hospitals, the police and basically anyone breathing. My head was already on the plane and headed for the morgue to identify my son. There is NOTHING scarier to me than missing a child and not being able to do anything about it. No Bueno. The world is a very big place and helpless isn’t just a state of mind for me any longer. I start to lose my shit. I rode my stationary bike for 30 minutes but needed to keep moving so I don’t have a full on panic attack. I headed out for a walk in 95 hot humid degrees because running really wouldn’t have gone well and I walked 4 miles. Miles that kept me in motion working the problem. Miles that made me feel better and prevented the world from closing in around me. Miles that kept bad news away. All the while I realized that it’s probably what I told his girlfriend the night before and is some stupid thing that prevented him from calling us. When I get back home I begin looking for his location on my find my friend map and I see it’s not changed in hours. So maybe he dropped it and isn’t dead. Maybe it’s at some criminals house who relieved my son of his phone before throwing him off a bridge in another country that I can’t get to right now. All of a sudden I get a message “Hi Mom” from Johnny…. before I throw up from stress relief I ask him to tell me the name of our dog. We no longer have a dog but John would know that and I needed to just make sure that it was really him. Do you know how long it felt like for those bubbles to pop up … not long really but to me it was like an hour! His answer was “we don’t have a dog you loon”. Magic words!!! No John we don’t. I said back to him, just answer the question. My much needed confirmation came through with “OK, (name of dog)”. Best two words I have ever seen, almost as good as “it’s a boy” the day he was born. RELIEF. It turns out he lost his phone in a café and by the time he went to get it, the place was closed. A good Samaritan had turned it in and he went and got it on Sunday. It was all just nothing and he said he sent a Skype message to us but we never got it. All of that internal turmoil for nothing. I can’t imagine the horror for a mother and father who really do have missing child. My heart goes out to you all.
Anyway, I found Johnny because he wasn’t missing and because of my 4 mile walk I won the step challenge last week. Kind of a funny way to win a challenge but it happened. May it never happen again quite that way!
The one person I hate to hear from when it comes to my weight and my eating is myself. I can be so hard on myself and so mean and make myself lose sleep sometimes. So just one day ago I wrote about my new endeavor taking place in 11 days. I’ve weighed food, measured, counted and been really really good to MyFitness Pal. Now I have deviated a couple of times like the over buttered popcorn two nights ago but I did a super vigorous bike and weight workout that night so I felt like it was ok. Last night I was so good all day and then went to a work function with a friend of mine and pigged out on pizza and of course the car drove itself into this little delightful ice cream shop on the way home. I had most of a sundae until I was full. After each slip I beat myself up bad. Yelling at myself about why bother trying to diet and workout to look and feel better when I’m going to just go and throw it away on a whim of junk food.
I’m right you know, holding myself accountable not only to eating good and sticking to my plan but for the moments when I just throw caution to the wind and eat whatever I want. I use the semi colon for the same reason that the suicide awareness groups use it… to identify that a slip up is just a blip in process and that nothing is over or ended. There’s tomorrow and more opportunities to try again and start over. Brenna bashing doesn’t happen back to back like that all the time but sometimes it does. How can I hit the purchase button on the new bathing suit I’ve picked out if I’m just not going to see it through all the way? I have to do better not just one day or one week but every day. Once in a while junk is ok but I have to stay on track and that’s where my biggest critic will come in handy. Today is a new day. 3 miles down before the heat and on track with what I’ve consumed thus far. Start again….
So there’s this fight I’ve been having with all the many PCPs that I have had over the last say 10 years. They all agree that I all agree that I have Hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism is a condition in which the body lacks sufficient thyroid hormone. Since the main purpose of thyroid hormone is to “run the body’s metabolism,” it is understandable that people with this condition will have symptoms associated with a slow metabolism. My number is always 7 or above when it should be in the range of .4 – 4.0. My Mother has it and now I have it so my kids may have it too. I’ve fought off being put on medication the entire time since that first blood test with a once new and now replaced doctor. Hypothyroidism causes weight gain, fatigue, depression, sensitivity to cold, weak hair, low sex drive, depression and anxiety and all because your body does not have enough thyroid hormone so your body processes slow down. I have all of these. Now that could be written off as just the roll of the dice and bad genetics. I’m not one to make excuses for anything, in fact I hate excuses with a passion. I can’t even listen to myself make them. So I did the do and have had many blood tests all of which tell the same tale…. Hypothyroidism. OK, so new doctor says the same thing that old doctors have said….Levothyroxine. There is no food or exercise that I can eat or do that will correct this. It’s genetic. I can’t do yoga or eat grass or anything. I’ve searched the internet countless times to no avail and have pretty much conceded that medication is a must. I told my doctor that if I wasn’t going to die, I didn’t want to be on medicine. Technically I don’t HAVE to be on this but it’s better long term for my health if I do. Not taking medication for this, like any other of the side effects to not taking medication, include all the things listed above but now also potentially include heart issues and in some extreme case the most serious of all a myxedema coma which although uncommon, can be fatal. So here we are where I have lost the battle but won a bigger war by agreeing to take this medication. SOOOOO back to my original point which almost got lost in the back story. Yesterday was my first day back on Levothyroxine and perhaps I imagined it but I felt good…like not rushed or like my day was out of control. I came home and rode the bike on a fair amount of resistance with real effort. When I was done with that I did my full scheduled weight routine then came up and ate dinner, did the dishes and still had energy when I sat down. I wasn’t wiped out and I’m in the middle of my period so that always wipes me out! I felt wonderful! Was it my mind that told me that I’d feel better on this medicine or did I actually feel better? I can’t say for sure but I am not going to complain. I feel like something is fixed in me. I can’t wait to go run to see if my body feels better. I’ve been stopping on the miles for a while, because I want to rest up a minute. Is that because I have Hypothyroidism or because I’m just fatter than I should be? Who knows but who cares anyway! I care that I feel better and have more energy so regardless of whether it’s invented or due to my new pink little friends, the outcome is the same. I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’ll take it!
This is my new wife. I’ve had her hanging around for some time but never used her for anything. But, since I’m feeling super serious about this new program and determined to get as close as possible to my body looking the way I want, I had to let her out of the closet! I now know that what I have been eating for chicken is 6oz not 4. Still ok, but over eating as many do. I’m very excited to see what recipes are shared in this new program and to learn about new foods to eat and different combinations of foods to switch up my sameness. After the slowest winter ever that cut my workouts in half, I am feeling great about making fitness my priority and experimenting with myself in a new way. So here’s to making it all work, being flexible when you have down days, tough when you have rough days and the confidence to not stop until you get to the place where you can say you did it!
43 Days and counting until my son comes home from Germany. We left him in NY and now he’s 3,795 miles away and all I can do is pray that he’s ok and nothing goes wrong. Of course I’m the butt of the jokes with the men in my house because John says he has to do community service from 8-midnight picking up plates without any further details and my mind fills in the blanks with horrible things mothers dread like maybe he’s behind a brothel in a needle riddled alley with drug dealers picking up plates from the homeless. A little radical I know but THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T GIVE MOM DETAILS!!! He’s fine and doing well all on his own as he should be having been raised by two good people with their heads screwed on straight. So it’s new things for John and I thought since I clearly need something to do to keep me focused on other things than possible dangers of other countries. SOOOOOOO I figured I could also have new things going on for myself. I have 30 days before my company outing where I’ll be sporting some kind of bathing suit and 43 days before my son comes home. I would like to have him say “Hey mom you look great!” I would like to have a stomach that looks like someone stretched skin over muscle even though that is probably a bit far fetched, I believe I might achieve that so we’re going to give it a real go. I paid for this which is another reason I must do my best. Now both of these women look older than 30 and the bottom one in the black looks closer to my age. The first lady is shaped sort of like me and if the after pictures are even close to where I can get to being almost 50 then show me the way!
The program I signed up for is Pauline Nordin’s Fighter Diet. My friend Cherrie (hi Cherrie!) has been following this woman for a while and has done some really clean eating on this program and a structured fitness routine. I needed a plan that would take me out of my same routine and switch things up to make my body work hard into transforming more to where I want to be. I see the before and after pics of ladies shaped just like me and the after is something I want to achieve. I have gotten part way but never all the way and I want to see how far I can push myself. It’s a 12 week program that starts on July 11th. That will give me 5 weeks in the program and 7 with the prep workout and monitoring my food intake again until The Falmouth Road Race. I at least want to streamline a bit more and strengthen my core more before that race. That race has hills and it happens in August when it’s typically blazing hot which is what combines to make it harder than it really is.
I’ve struggled with running since this awful winter killed my ability to get it done as often. Now that the weather is better, I’m back on track. I do so much better when I don’t run every day but my mind just won’t let it be which is where I have the internal fight. I would rather run than strength train on any day but my runs are a struggle when they are consecutive these days. This program is going to allow me to separate running days and fill in more strength days and even fit the bike in more. I’m pumped that it might help me find my center with my workout routine and quell my mind so my body can do what I need it to do.
So I have motivation, reasons and time which all add up to achievement. Here’s to a bikini body and a smiling face and maybe even the discovery of my once perfect belly button that 3 pregnancies ruined! Let’s go!