Random Thoughts

Thankful For My House

Today’s run started out with some tears.  My youngest son & child James will play his last game of football ever at the annual Thanksgiving football game against Brockton.  No more towing the line, no more freezing our asses off on Friday nights, no more football. I am sad that this day is here because I love watching him play.  I loved every minute of this game that he didn’t even want to play but did because his brother convinced him to & his parents told him he had to do something with sports to stay active in the Fall.  Today when he runs out on the field as a Senior I will be filled with pride and tears and sentiment that will now be just memories that I talk about for years to come.  Just like that it’s over with no more “next year” or “next game” to come but I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to watch him grow into the man he has become.  He finally fits in his own skin and that is something to definitely be thankful for.  As I think about his last 6 months of high school that will fly by all I can see are things like the big fish he caught when he was 6 or the way he used to put his shoes on the wrong feet.  Digging 4 foot holes and following his brother around everywhere just to be with him.  So many memories in the walls of this house that linger like bacon as a reminder of what has been.

As I run I am also grateful for my daughter Katy who is now engaged.  That too seems to have crept up on me like deer in the fog.  She found someone who makes her happy and treats her well and now she will begin building her life with her prince. All the time she worried about finding someone and he just showed up and that was that.  She’s now on a different but parallel path to mine and in my heart I wish she were still holding my hand.  It is nearing the end of her college life and then it’s just life that she will determine the path of.  Life that I no longer have much influence over.  Girl movies and 10 year old birthday parties with movie themes, sleepovers with cat and dog themes, and shopping dates to the mall.  3rd grade socials with her hair all curly and fancy and she always asked me to do it for her.  4am Mornings being dragged out of bed to show me that she made me a little candle.  There was a mess on the table but she was so proud of what she had done that it made me cry even to this day.  She still asks me to sew and today I will because I feel happy that she still wants me to help her.  I am thankful for the memories this house holds of her and all the silly happy sad mad crazy moments that fill these walls.

On I run and I think about my oldest son John who is home from college for the holiday.  My little boy who is now a man but just a sweet kid on the inside of that tough exterior.  It took me a long time to find the little wide eyed little legged boy inside that man who is so independent and smart.  My middle child.  The only one I went nose to nose with on many occasions.  The one who I never worry about and miss so much every time he leaves.

This house has so many flashbacks of him that come to me often.  Hanging upside down in the trees, climbing to the top, strapping Macaco between trees and walking like a tightrope walker.  American Ninja Warrior in my backyard, always moving with some kind of ball in his hand and never sitting still.  The kid who always breaks things who has the heart of a lion and just never gives up.  He always strives for more.  What I see in him now is the kid who notices things I need or moments when I need a hug or does things just to make me happy and I see my little 3 foot boy with the bright eyes looking back. The graduation cap fiasco that made him so upset that turned into nothing.  The Eagle Scout project, girlfriends, a drivers license date memory and so many more good, sad, mad moments that make this house a home.   In every room there is a memory of sorts from school days, sports days, Scout days and I remember them all as I walk through my house.  I am thankful for the memories we have put here as a family.

Finally I think about my husband as my little 3 mile journey continues.  So many memories we built together.  Children brought home, raised, groomed, disciplined, taught, fought, played with and loved so much.  He paints my house as I write this because he loves me.  He has loved me forever it seems and although it hasn’t always been good between us, it has always been.   Love runs deep between us.  When we said I do we meant it and we have forged a life together with our children and now their significant others that is so happy and bright.  He has always been here for us.  He loves us and works hard to provide all we need.  He is my best friend and I love that he is the first person I see in the morning and the last person I see at night.  He is forever thinking about me and us and how to make us a better family.  I never need anything and the person he has become in the last 5 years is the person I want spend forever with.  Hard lessons and tough moments only made us stronger together.  We appreciate one another.  The memories of baseball and frisbee in the backyard with a fire in the non existent fire pit are many.  Putting up fences, planting trees, landscaping, mowing, putting up christmas lights and watching movies as a family are the cement in these walls.  It’s what makes us strong and keeps us wanting to keep building this family, adding memories to these walls for the next generation.  I am thankful for my house today because in my house is my family, my history and my life and that is all that matters to me.   I thank God for all I have today and every day.  I am truly one lucky runner girl!

HAPPY RUNNING!

 

 

 

I feel nostalgic for this as well.  So many little moments when she was little come to mine.  So many memories and achievements that are within the walls of this house that I can see like a dream in every room.  Talks and fun times and achievements that she

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Random Thoughts

Magic Pants

So I’m two weeks out from VT and up until now I thought my legs were hating on me from that hellacious run.  As it turns out I think it’s my new CW-X compression pants that are tiring my legs out.  Why do I think this?  Because I ran this week without them and my legs were not nearly as tired feeling as they are when I have these pants on.

If you think about it, it makes sense.  Put pressure around your bicep and then try to lift something repetitively.  It’s much harder.  It’s like using a weight sled or a parachute trainer to increase your speed.  I hadn’t given it much thought until I just couldn’t figure out why my legs would still be complaining about that race.  So now, do I keep using them hoping they strengthen my leg muscles?  Do I only use them for long runs? I think both actually because even though it’s much harder to run in these, it will make next season easier I think.  I’m all for that so HAIL to the compression! I’ve already signed up for a half marathon in March so this winter with these pants should prove useful.  In a way these are like Jacks magic beans.  They looked like ordinary beans but then they grew into something amazingly magic.  They are my magic pants!

HAPPY RUNNING!

Random Thoughts

What is it That We See?

Why is it that I never see what other people see?  When I look in the mirror I see someone who isn’t “fat” but is fatter than she used to be before she cared about anything physical or graduated High School.  Boy would I love to see 135 lbs again but I’m settling for 165 at the moment.  165 looks ok on me, not perfect, but acceptable.

Female mirror on color background

When I look in the mirror I see some abdominal definition that stops at the speed bump just below my belly button.  I see an imperfect lower ab that honestly I’m just too effing lazy to make disappear.  I have a hard time with a pinch in my ass and pain in my lower back when I crunch even on my exercise ball so I don’t put that much into anything south of what used to be a perfect navel.  Seriously it used to be perfect!  I don’t care THAT much. I just want to not look like the fat lady in the grocery store or the fat mother who squishes when you hug her.  When I look in the mirror I am reminded about all the work I have left to do and begin the diatribe in my head about working harder.  I’m pretty much the meanest person on the planet to myself but I don’t go all rogue or anorexic or starve myself or anything.  Just some tough love.  So when I look in the mirror I’m motivated to do better every day to the thigh gap I’m never going to attain but like to think I will.  Last night I was changing into my pajamas and my husband said “what’s up musclular”.  I felt like turning around to see who he was talking to but I knew it was me.  Muscular?  What’s he looking at?  His eyes must be worse than I thought because that isn’t what I see when I look at myself in the mirror.  Why don’t I see what he sees?

Probably because I don’t want to get complacent and fat again.  Inside I smiled a big ol’ school girl grin and simply said “it’s working”.  He tells me I have steel plates for thigh muscles, not quite that true but not the marshmallow mush I see.  He says I’ve never been this “tight” in the 30 years that he’s known me but I see the rolling hills of North Dakota staring back at me.  Of course they’re not the mountains of Colorado but somewhere in between.  Just what is it that we see when we look in the mirror?  Why is it so different and is that a bad thing?  I think a little of that is ok.  I don’t have a hugely warped sense of self, just a very honest and clear view which admittedly might be wound a little too tight.  Better tight than loose!  So we keep working to improve the person staring back from the mirror.  We strive to be better and tighter and fitter so we live a little longer.  It gives me something to always work on and I do love me a good project for sure!

HAPPY RUNNING!

2017 · Attitude · brenna gimler · Coaching · commitments · Discipline · happiness · Life

This Runner is Never Happy!

I had the usual disagreement with myself this morning that I have every off season.  My brain said do more and go for 5-6 miles but I interrupted myself and reminded me that it’s off season.  Off season is meant for rest from mostly running and more of stuff like my bike and swimming and weight training.  I wanted to keep one day where my miles are up but what heppens when I don’t?  Nothing, that’s what.  I’ve had a week away from VT and that hellacious hill and still my legs are flipping me off when I head out on the most flat 3 mile course comparedly.  My legs are pissed at me! As I headed out to beat the rain that’s coming in I just kept telling myself that 3 was good and the standard 3 miles is what it’s pretty much what my runs are going to be for at least a couple of weeks.  It’s funny how during training I complain about the long runs and sometimes even dread them and when I have the opportunity to keep it light, I’m arguing with myself about keeping it low because all I want to do is put up some digits.  It seems as though I’m never happy.  I never want to rest, sit still or keep it light.  When I do I’m beating myself up to try harder and not get lazy and I’m always pushing myself.  In a way I do like being my own motivator.  Mike & Mike  actually talked about that today detailing how some players in the NFL think it’s the coaches job to motivate them.  I couldn’t disagree more.  I think when a player / runner / athlete needs it, that a “coach” should step in and give them a pep talk but for the most part, that player /runner /athlete’s job is to motivate themselves.  I never look to anyone to motivate me except the old me.  The fat lazy depressed person who tried to take my cookies and make me quit.  The girl that’s always behind me as a reminder from where I came and where I do NOT want to go back to.  Whatever makes you go is fine.  You should be self motivated and never being happy with where you’re at is ok as long as you aren’t doing so much that you make yourself sick or injure yourself.  I may never be happy but I belive I have the right mix for me to keep striving for more.  Be the best me I can be  and enjoy it along the way until the day where I decide that it’s time to stop, if I get to that point.  I may never be perfectly satisfied & happy with what I’m doing,  but I’m happy where I am.   The point it that I’m happy never being happy because being unhappy with where I’m at is what motivates me to do more, be more, strive for more and THAT makes me very happy!

HAPPY RUNNING!

2017 · accountability · Attitude · brenna gimler · Cold Running · commitments · Discipline · running

Making It Up On The Other End

Last night I laid out my running gear for a run this morning.  I got my cold weather gear out, and had it in my head that  I would do my usual 3 mile, 5am run.  When my alarm went off and I pulled up my weather app, it wasn’t quite the 31 degrees that I had anticipated.  It was 25 degrees outside which isn’t far off from 31 but 6 degrees is 6 degrees when you’re warm and cuddly in your bed.  So I was already working through my other options for working out today like A) running at lunch which would be at 51 degrees which is much more tolerable to me today.  B) I also thought about riding my stationary bike which meant I would stay inside and stay warm.  C) I also thought about possibly not working out today and if that happens I’m ok with it.  I am opting for option B which means utilizing my free time differently, but giving up sitting around reading the same old gossip magazines or going out and possibly spending money that I shouldn’t is a good trade.  You see, I don’t have to, no one is counting on me to do so, so it ain’t gonna happen today at 25 degrees!  I’ll make it up and I do feel a little lazy at the moment but it’ll get done when I’ll be more comfortable and when my nose won’t stick together when I breathe.  When it’s so cold out that I might have to cover my face so I don’t catch PEE-NEW-MONIA I instantly begin my work around solution.  It’s funny because I really don’t mind running in the cold but I think I’m not quite adjusted to winter yet.  You know that brief time between Fall and Winter when it starts to get cold but isn’t truly freezing but you’d swear it was an ice age….yeah that’s where I am right now!  So I didn’t go out running….I ate my pancakes and eggs anyway….. and I will get my butt out there today….just later when it’s warmer and I’ll be happier!  Some days it’s all about the compromise and that’s ok as long as you do in fact make it up on the other end.

HAPPY RUNNING!

Random Thoughts

Now What?

Running season for me is officially over.  I have no more races to train for.    I have no more specific long runs.  I have no group runs pending.  I have no specific gym routines or classes that  I want to get in to prepare myself for.  ‘

NOW WHAT?

As I headed out the door this morning at 5:15 for a run my husband wanted to know why I was running.  I didn’t have to and I only rested one day so why wasn’t I going to lay there in bed for a little longer he wondered.  I have the next 4 months provided I don’t get restless and impulsive to casually stroll through fitness at a leisurely pace.  Why head out as if it’s training season?  The answer is because I can and because I want to.  I must love it because yesterday I put together my winter fitness schedule that isn’t so light.  Something every day  with the exception that I built two rest days into each week.  For me that is light.  I want to hit the season running (no pun intended) next year so winter won’t be dull or light.  I like that I’m feeling so good after such a challenging course in VT.  It means I did my job training and even though I walked I was ready for that challenge.  I was ready for what I went there to do.  I did the prep and I am not crippled today.  I was ready.  So as I head into the 2018 running season with an empty slate I will be up for say a March half marathon, a new one for me, because I’ll work hard this winter to take on something so early.  I’ll be ready.

This picture is of me in VT.  I like it because it’s just me.  Me and my ambition, my dreams, myself.  I like it because this is how I now live my fitness life, for me by me and about me.  So although 2018 is not yet filled with anything, I’m working as if it is and I’m preparing myself for what may be a very challenging year.  It’s all up to me.  I ask myself “What Now?” and the answer is “Whatever you want!”

HAPPY RUNNING!

 

 

Random Thoughts

My Superheros!

Well, I survived Vermont!

This in itself is a feat all it’s own because it was beyond challenging!  There were 1000 runners who signed up for this crazy race and all 1000 of them, minus the lunatics that did it in just under and over an hour, walked.  Yep this course was so steep that you couldn’t really run up for longer than a minute at a time and the down hill part (because what goes up must come down) was almost an uncontrollable free fall. I could barely maintain my stance and my thighs were screaming out at me to stop.  I didn’t.  Do you know why I didn’t?  Because of my superhero’s.  Those ladies up there in that picture  are undoubtedly my superhero’s.  They are an indominably strong, unequivocally determined set of women that I am so proud to say are my friends.  Each of them did this race and finished including me.  Cherrie at the far left fought through this race with foot pain that she had going into it.  She didn’t let that stop her and she didn’t let it allow her to walk. She persevered and made me proud.  She made me stronger within myself to be able to dig deep to keep going when I felt like I wanted to quit.  She is my hero!  Barbara (third from left) has run so many races this year and her body and mind are tired.  She ran this race with all that she had despite some foot pain and being done with running this year and she finished right behind me.  She triumphed over the voice inside that kept nagging at her to stop.  She ran those hills like a champ and gave me a dose of toughness that helped me keep telling myself that I could do it. She is my hero!  Paula (far right) I am very proud of.  She didn’t get as much training in as she probably would have liked and this race very well could have gotten the better of her but it didn’t.  She ran those hills, she paced herself the best she could and that girl, despite what I thought I would see at the finish line, came around the last corner running!  She found great mental fortitude to finish something that was hard and that she wasn’t really fully ready for.  She gave me a dose of committment that helped me run to the finish when my legs were tired at the very end.  She She is my hero!

We finished this race separately but together.  We didn’t let one another quit and we had fun along the way.  That’s friendship and their friendship, strength & support have helped to cement a piece of my life that has been weak for a long time.  These ladies make me stronger.  They make me feel brave and remind me not to quit when it gets hard.  They make me happy to know them and proud to be able to run with them and most of all they fill me with happiness to call them all my friends1  I love them all and am grateful for their strength, toughness and motivation for it extends beyond them to those around them, like me!

HAPPY RUNNING!