Tonight’s run just plain sucked! It was flat out terrible for several reasons. I don’t know why I am surprised at this because HELOOOOO running isn’t always easy. I am so easy to jump on the self bashing wagon and what’s worse is that I actually believe (well for a few minutes anyway) that I did terribly for a while. All the thoughts about what I think I’m doing and how I dare to call myself a runner start surfacing like ravioli in a pot of boiling water. I think that is what I hate most about running. The illusion that anyone but me holds me to some ridiculous standard or that I’m being judged. Hey dummy!
O N E
B U T
Y O U
C A R E S!
Ok, so I have come to my senses and am back on the I’m awesome wagon and have thought about why my run served me a crap burger.
I was running on the DM (Dreadmill for those of you who don’t recognize the term). I hate the treadmill like many others. I despise running in place even with music I cannot wait until my self sentence is up and I can get off. I did try to do interval but THAT wasn’t happening.
It was after 5 pm which means my gut is waiting for more food. I have learned to love food again which could be problematic because I am getting a bit careless with my eating. Hey I ran today so I can have this bread right (white bread at that)? No not really but nice try. Keep running ya big baby!
After 5 pm means that my body is trying to digest my days food intake. I have mildly uncomfortable cramping going on which only seems to intensify on the intestinal crisis scale as I run. It’s better when I stop but screw that I’m not stopping unless I’m having a real emergency. Keep running!
I am wearing wooley socks because I forgot my stupid socks today so I scrapped my mid day run figuring my feet would be cold. I didn’t want to be cold and told myself I’d go home to get socks and go for a run. NOPE I decided I didn’t want to be cold at all and what the heck I’m not in training at the moment so I can cave and run inside. SUCH A WOOS!!! I may need more cheese with that whine I know!. Anyway, wooley’s are problematic for me because my feet (and hands) control my temperature. If tootsies are hot…I’m on FIRE! I
I happened to be running in front of a mirror today and whoa baby you fat P.O.S. Where the hell did that fat old arse show up… I don’t remember looking like an ad for cellulitis! HOLY HELL! I think that the more i run the fatter I am getting. HAS to be the mirror because I can’t possibly look as bad as that shiny silver reflective Hell mirror says I look! FU! I remember now why I hate the mirror it tells you…
I was among the resolutionists tonight too…all those who will go balls to the walls for a few weeks and then just disappear as quickly as the appear. Soon the gym will again clear up on Friday night and I look forward to not fighting for a parking spot again. Those of us who are die-hards braving all weather conditions and temperatures, rearrange schedules and getting out of bed at ungodly hours to make our exercise a reality all of the time don’t really appreciate the temporary enthusiasts. Hey everyone has a right to work out at the gym right? Right! Sorry if that offends you but its true. I know because I have been a resolutionist at least twice in my life. I’m reformed now. 🙂
So I bitched and fought off all the excuses that tried to de-rail me. I cursed myself and called out as many terrible names for myself as I could think of to mentlly sling at myself. I paused several times to get a drink since I couldn’t seem to manage drinking and running at the same time ..YEAH , just something I’ve done 572 times before but WHATEVER YOU WIMP! I complained because my arm band was hurting my arm so I took it off…now what do I do with my phone since my music is all on my phone. So in Brook Kreder fashion I stuffed my phone in my bra between the girls risking electrocution or the demise of my phone, whichever came first. Neither tonight I am happy to say. All this for a lousy 3 miles that any other day would seem so easy. Tonight was a true challenge and a fight to the very end. I am not sure I won but hey who gives a crap really right? I feel like I was sweatier than normal for such a short exertion but par for tonights course.
So I am happy to say my run is over for today. I am glad I didn’t quit any of the 10,000 times i tried to because as bad as I feel like my run was, its better than the zero that some people put up today and is an accomplishment that some cannot do at all. A run is a run and if you don’t know that by now start repeating it asap or you’ll be finished before you start. These are the days that motivate me most because they are challenging and make me feel good about myself having tackled them and won. Just know that they can’t all be good runs and you’ll be just fine.