Finding Your Awesome

finding yourself blogI have found over the years, and especially in the last few years, that I love reading.  The funny thing about my reading is that I seem to enjoy self help books lately such as the books written by Robin Sharma.  I just finished The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and it was super.  I like the premise and I actually live a bit like that although not to a T.  There’s always room for improvement in every day.  Maybe it’s because I’m searching for meaning and purpose in my life or perhaps i’m re-focusing my priorities.  It’s been a long 5 years and I need to make some items that have been slightly off the entire front burner and move them directly on the front burner.  I think I found my “wisdom” that I may share with others which is not to put all your hopes and dreams aside to focus on other peoples baskets.   Do this and some day those baskets won’t be enough and you will want more and will feel like something is missing.  Something just for you.  More for you.  More, which isn’t unobtainable, but More that will take some work to get.  I didn’t think I needed my more until I realized that I had sacrificed too much and made some mistakes that forever changed my life to something less glorious.   Nothing irreparable but just in need of a fresh coat of paint to brighten the colors in the painting of my forest that represents my life which seem to have faded away.

This time I am not going to focus on not just painting one tree in my life picture.  My Oak tree which although still so magnificent and beautiful has too many coats of paint.  I’m going to step back and paint the entire forest because after all, when you are so uni-focused on something you can’t see the forest for the tree.  I’ve missed many detailing opportunities with those other trees in my life painting.  I might have seen and appreciated some details along the way to paint my tree but I should have stopped more often to look at what was in the background and do touch up.  It’s never too late to stop and smell the roses so to speak. The fact is that the one tree I have focused on I have always hoped that it would someday be a palm tree.  It’s an oak and I know it will always be an Oak.  It will never change and as much as I hoped it would because I loved it so much, always painted it when it needed, used whatever paint I thought it needed and devoted my entire energy into it, it won’t ever be a palm tree and it’s time to step back and not waste any more energy hoping for a Palm. I love the Oak and it loves itself as it is.

It’s time to step back knowing this and take a breath.  There are other sapling trees in my forest and I feel like I missed opportunities to paint their details.  I freshen up their paint regularly but not as many details as I’d like.  I’m not leaving my forest or my trees however, I am going to take time going forward to admire and cultivate the entire forest that I live in instead of painting one tree.  Nothing is forever so if my tree is not there someday I don’t want to not know how to look up from where it stood and be lost forever looking into an empty hole.  I do not want to be standing all alone because I never did enough to help the forest and  I don’t want to all of a sudden look up and feel like I’m in an unknown forest.  I love my forest, I love my tree and it’s time to enjoy all of it not just one piece.

Reading the stuff that I used to make fun of actually gives me perspective and a peaceful, thoughtful outlook that I share with as many people as I can every day which I know is appreciated and meaningful to others.  I will keep reading because it is helping me find my Awesome which took a leave of absence so long ago that it seems like an eternity.  I’m on an Awesomeness Safari and I think it’s going to be great!  I guess it’s possible to re-find your focus even if it gets lost.  Funny that I found it in a book but I will just say thank you.  I don’t really know if it was this book or if my mind and heart were open to finally receiving a message that was desperately needed or if I was just ready to re-focus my life a bit.  Whatever it is or was I am grateful that I have gotten here and I look forward to what is to come.


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