Twilight Zone

twilight zoneMy daughter told me I’m intimidating.  ME!  The worlds most unorganized and easy-peasy, non-goal setting runner in the world.  Are you kidding me?  I feel like I’m super fun to work out with because I’m so imperfect.  Imperfect but dedicated and determined.  Tell me your goal and I’ll get you there.  Tell me you want to and I’ll make room in my schedule to make sure you do it.  I feel like that statement was so unfair but everyone is entitled to their opinions I suppose.  I guess I feel mad because I have offered on many occasions to help her because that’s what good mommy’s do and because I wish I had someone when I was her age to help me do what I wanted to do or to help me decide what it was that I wanted to do.  I didn’t and that is a shame but water under the bridge.  I belonged to an ice cream loving, TV watching, non-athletic family and loved it until I was on my own without real motivation to stay in tip top shape.  My role model fought weight their entire life but less because they had issues and more due to lack of ability to say no and having someone to be “that” person for them.  I then married what I’ll term a fat hater.  Big opinions of fat people, of which my role model was.  Ok, I get it and although he was never rude to someone I knew, knowing that he disliked fat people so much back then was rather intimidating.  That and the fact that he told me if I ever got fat we were getting a divorce.  Many things have changed including his attitude.  I blame the mother who is probably the most judgemental and self ignorant person on the planet.  We do what we see and we believe what we hear everyday until one day we have a life and opinions of our own.  It is then that we form our real selves and where the rubber meets the road so to speak.  Whatever.  You can’t change the past you can only move forward and make your own goals and take responsibility for your own actions in getting those goals done.  I kind of feel like someone took down the stop sign at the intersection of “your kid will want to start working out here”  and “your kid hasn’t decided that your really ok yet”.  HUMPH!  it’s like standing in a giant glass cube to be seen not heard and not truly having control.  This my friends is what i believe to be a stage of parenthood that I would rather skip.  I however, am as they say, STUCK WITH IT!

So today’s goal (being at this stage in my life) is to start the process of helping from the back seat, and chucking invisible motivation as hard as I can and hoping some sticks.  I can do it!  I love a challenge!



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