So today I am going to see my son for the first time in a week! Feels like a month but it’s only been a week. The only thing I have to do is go for a run so off I went to hit the road. I had plans on doing 5-7 today but the moment I put myself in motion it became clear that it might not happen. It was muggy and windy and hard to breathe. My legs felt heavy today I felt like my heart was beating somewhere in the 170 range the whole way. Come to find out it wasn’t any higher than normal which is 140-150 since I’m no Olympic runner. I’m ok with my pace and know I’m my only competition. I stopped every mile to rest which I hate doing because it makes me feel like a failure but it is what it is. When I got home I recorded a quick video as motivation for some that not all days are good ones and I posted it. I was proud to have thought up a new post rather than just the selfie that gets shared with the notes of the day. I came in to eat and get ready to head to see Johnny, got coffee and then it dawned on me… today is the 15th anniversary of 9/11 and I just posted a whiny video about 3 stupid miles. What is wrong with me! I sit here stewing about my little run wasn’t great and that I can’t see my son every day when some beautiful 15 year old child who lost their mother or father cries somewhere to once again grieve the tremendous loss that took away what I have. SHAME ON ME!
Perspective. I do try hard to never get lost in thoughts about what I don’t have or didn’t do or those kinds of things. Ask my kids what happens when they say something negative about someone….MOM gives them perspective about the potential list of things that they might not know about that person that may have caused whatever it was that they saw. You don’t know what you don’t know. Never judge because people do things to survive and those things, outside breaking the law which is almost always unacceptable, might not be what you understand. Circumstances drive action and we should do a better job at trying to understand rather than judge. Perspective changed my attitude today. It isn’t that my run was all of a sudden better or that it wasn’t so bad in the first place. It isn’t that my son isn’t far away from me based on having him around his whole life. It’s that the overwhelming reality of what today reminds me of makes those things seem just a little bit less of a big deal. So today I will go see my son and hug him tight and enjoy spending time with him. Leaving might not be great but it should be easier than last week when I left him there for the first time. At the end of the day I know I’ll see him soon and talk to him on Skype and I live for those moments like I live for the moments I spend with my youngest Son James and my Daughter Katy because time is fleeting and changing.
Perspective keeps us humble and lets us not be so critical of achievements that aren’t so great compared to what we wanted.