People adapt that is a fact. We lose weight and we live a happier life mostly. We lose limbs and we learn to adapt to life without or life with a substitute extremity. We get organ transplants and if all goes well we learn to live healthier lives with an increased appreciation for the gift of life. We just adapt, it’s what we do as a species. Even when we lose a loved one we adapt to life that will never be the same. Loss comes in many forms. Some loss is permanent and we just learn to live with an ache in our heart that just dulls but never goes away. Some loss is temporary initiated by space and time. That is where I am. My son is away at college and doing so great. I am so proud of him and happy for him but in the business of life that has always been routine there is a hole. I am too busy to let it consume me and honestly this is how it shall be going forward so I might as well buckle up and get used to it. It just aches all the time and I can’t stop it. I talk to him all the time. He Skypes nearly every night and even just having him on the computer live, is comforting. My daughter is in college too but she comes home every night. He doesn’t. I can’t dull the ache and I can’t make it go away all I can do is accept it as the way it is and put my big girl pants on.
I miss hugging him and the kiss on the forehead i got every night. I miss how he calls me Mama at 18 because it makes me happy and I miss his weekly sports diatribe and analysis. So much like his father and I love that! It’s like being under a blanket in the summer. You won’t die but it sure is hard to breathe and hugging the laptop when he calls just isn’t the same. There is nothing like the hug from your child.
SO this week I tried a Bootcamp at the gym. OMG! This will be a nice addition to take my mind off what I can’t control. Holy Hell! It was a 1 minute on with 15 second rest Tabata format class. Feeling it two days later and that makes me smile. I have to do more to diversify my routine and tighten up all the flabby spots that come with age. Happiness is not having a hard body but striving to get as close as I can given my age and ability is fun and motivational. I’ll keep moving and dealing and adapting because that’s what we do.