As a parent I always wonder if I am doing a good job. Most of the time I have myself convinced that I pass the test but am a far cry from the best parent ever. No worries I am ok with that. The moments that are the hardest for me are picking my kids up when they are discouraged or upset when things don’t go their way because I just don’t know that my words sound prophetic or wise or even remotely motivational. I try and that’s what we all do when it comes to our kids I guess. Last night was one of those hard nights. My son is the last in H.S. and now out from under the shadow of his brother who just has an easier time with everything. These are his last two years to shine for who he is and not worry that he’ll be outdone. It isn’t his brother’s fault that he is naturally better at many things but to the kid that struggles it’s like a splinter all the time. He tried out for the plays that the theater group puts on like he has for the last two years but this time he was unhindered by doubt and second guessing his self confidence. He went out and gave it his all without worry. Last night was the last night of tryouts. Now they were rushed this year and one night less for tryouts so that was worrisome. First night he sang and his report on himself was that it didn’t go well. More like it didn’t go the way he wanted it to but who knows what it really was. Second night was dancing and his report on himself PHENOMENAL! He said he danced the best he ever has. Third night was a bit of both and the report was ugly. He didn’t get called back and to him it was a sign of failure. He was resigned to the thought that he didn’t get any parts and would only be in the ensemble, which by the way, he didn’t even want a part of when he began this 2 years ago. He’s come so far! He was upset that younger kids were being called back and was as down as I’ve seen him. Time for Mom to step it up and dig deep for words that I don’t even know will make a dent in the armor he’s enclosed himself in right now. Why did his Dad have to be away this week on business? Not a good time for the guy with all the wisdom to be unavailable. Phone will have to do but that is later.
So first I reminded him that this is a HIGH SCHOOL PLAY, not Broadway and no scholarships will come from it. I pointed out that he does this because he loves it and it is F-U-N. Remember that…FUN. I explained that the director and her staff love him and have watched him for 2 years and that they know what he is and is not capable of. I told him he needs to have faith and that sometimes not getting a callback doesn’t mean no part or just ensemble but that it was clear to the very talented people making these decisions where you fit into their plan so they didn’t need to see you again. There are a lot of things that go into these choices so you just have to have faith and believe that they are going to do the right thing for the production because that is what they are ultimately responsible for…..filling places for a good production. It’s not about who they know or having favorites or about who brought coffee, stayed late or remembers all their lines every year. It’s about doing their job to make the production as perfect as can be. I told him that no matter what part he gets that he will take it and be glad to be included and do the very best job with that part because that’s what WE, as a family, do. We look on the bright side and put a big fat ol’ smile on our face and make the most of what we are given. I kissed his head and hugged him and then left him to mull all the words I’d just dumped all over him. I hoped it made a difference and I hoped he didn’t get cut because I definitely do not know what I would say to that pile of crappy disappointment.
It was a lOOOOOOOng day let me tell you waiting to find out if I will be bringing home Mr. Happy from football or Mr. beat myself up. tic toc tic toc it cannot be 2:00 fast enough. Will he call me? Will he not? I called my husband to ask if he thought he would make it and he reassured me that he believed that things would end well because he hasn’t NOT made it yet and it didn’t sound like it was too shabby of a try out. I hang up …. have a meeting and head home when I get the text from my husband:
Now hear this James got leads in both shows. But in mermaid HE IS THE KING!
Did I read that right??? a lead in both shows? Holy Shit I can’t believe it!!! I am so excited for this kid right now that I may crash my car trying to pay attention! That right there is the selfie he sent me right after he found out! LOL That kid! He has worked so hard to find himself and be himself and get his groove and this is the start of what I think will just grow his confidence. He was so excited he could barely speak to me. Emotions were all over the place and he was over the moon thrilled. He certainly has earned his 15 minutes of fame. Rather than dwell on his moment, my son the wonderful person that he is, said “I have to go mom. I have a line of people here that need a hug”. He was comforting the kids that were living with the disappointment that I thought I would be supporting today. He didn’t brag or let it go to his head (not for long anyway). He remembered the lessons we have taught him throughout his life and put others before himself. He could have ignored them and just said sorry or nothing at all. He could have roamed the halls telling everyone but instead he picked up the ones who didn’t have the success they wanted or none at all. He is such a wonderful human and I am so proud to be his mom. I Love you James and I am so proud of you today and every day. Go Get Em!