Once Upon A Time there was a girl….
who would not clear the fog from the mirror after her shower for shame of seeing what she had allowed herself to turn into. Once upon a time there was a girl who wasn’t on speaking terms with her scale for shame of seeing digital confirmation of the disgrace she had become. Once upon a time the evil demon known as self loathing extended it’s shriveled poisonous apple and told the girl to take a bite. Evil wrapped her in it’s arms tightly and sucked the life right out of her beautiful happy sky blue eyes and nearly extinguished the life from her body. The girl refused to be compliant and fade away into the bleak cold darkness of depression … She said “No I won’t stay here with you!” She laced up her running shoes, turned away and never looked back.
Running literally saved my life. There are so many things that I get and have learned from running about life and myself. One of my favorite things about the rewards of running is my self image. I love the way I feel in my clothes, without clothes and how my focus in every day tasks is no longer fighting the feeling of being disgusted with myself but of how proud I feel of the way I look. I love wanting to order a bikini at an age when I should feel like covering that shit up. I love that I want to wear sexy things instead of wearing grandma underwear like I used to. I love actually feeling ok eating ice cream because I know it won’t have time to move into my hips making my flesh hurt because I can feel all the fat under there. Don’t get me wrong, I have fat but not enough to make me feel like I belong on the clearance rack at the dollar store any more. I love that other people tell me that I look good. That’s one of my favorite things especially when another guy tells me that. It’s like confirmation that my husband isn’t lying to me. He of all people wouldn’t lie to me but it’s nice to hear it once in a while from another guy. I love wanting to buy more workout clothes because I like feeling attractive in poly / spandex that used to be worn only to mask the fact that I was growing out of my old jeans. When someone overweight tell you that their “jeggins” are just so comfy, more than likely it’s more closely related to the fact that they have outgrown their pants. Trust me, I WAS that person and used to love that jeans were being made from super stretchy material. It meant that my size 10 would stretch out over my size 12-14 body and I could perpetuate the lie that I was telling myself about still fitting into my 10’s and it wasn’t that bad. What a ruse that was! I love looking for a super sexy holiday dress to wear to the company party because knowing I’m 48 (almost but not yet! LOL) and able to pull off a strappy fitted number with stiletto’s makes me giggle to myself. It’s hard work but it’s the most rewarding, addicting and motivating thing that I’ve ever done for myself and I love the benefits I reap every day. I love looking in the mirror at my face in the mirror because the girl that looks back at me now is who was buried deep inside all along. She’s the face of strength and love, determination and bravery, happiness and laughter and I just love her so much! I hated running when I took those first horrible steps on the track with my son that June day in 2011. I hated it so much but my hatred for it drove me to love it just as much. It turned me from an ugly Nanny McPhee type appearance to a much more attractive person at the end of the story. Running might not be your thing but you should have a “thing” that gets you out there moving and staying healthy working off stress and pounds and whatever shit burgers that life tries to hand you. All you have to do is start and if you stick with it I promise you will grow to love it just like I did. The benefits will become something you can’t live without. You can do it because there’s strength in your soul that just needs to be dusted off. What’s your real life fairy tale?