Ok, so up until this point, I would not have encouraged myself or anyone to take, post or even admit to progress photos. I felt like it was discouraging and depressing to bother and I hated looking at myself in the mirror quite frankly. I started the Fighter Diet on July 11th and this program invites participants to take and submit progress photos. Now you don’t have to but A) you don’t have an opportunity to win the prize at the end of the challenge if you don’t submit weekly progress photos. B) how can you actually see progress that is so incremental that the scale nor your clothes report it right away if at all depending on what you’re working toward. So I reluctantly sent in my week 1 pictures… then I stalked and judged everyone else’s pics and compared myself to them. Maybe to feel better about myself or maybe just to feel a little less insecure about what I actually look like. I mean after all it’s hard looking at pictures of yourself scantily clothed and be objective. So I did it knowing I would have to look at it. Low and behold every week since I started the program I have seen visible improvements when I look at my side by side pics and especially when I compare them to my before pics. Every week I say the same thing to myself “I don’t know why I’m posting, there won’t be any changes” and every week there are. I am speechless but motivated to keep going. There’s nothing more motivating then seeing progress. I’m especially interested in seeing pics in the coming weeks because I’m doing my own rather intense workout program that focuses on one body part per day per week. My son is helping me with that and as much as I struggle with doing abs once a week I’m trusting that this process is going to work. Stay tuned!
I don’t go to the gym often because I have most of the weights here at my house. My stationary bike is here too and I run outside most of the year so I don’t need a treadmill all that often. Occasionally I take a spin class or Barre class or something but for the most part I am paying more than $500 a year for very little use. I’m now changing gyms to Planet Fitness because it’s half the cost, I can bring a guest for free every time, they have hydration beds and massage chairs free of charge too. No classes but I don’t really care about that honestly. Anyway, this month is my last month at my current gym. When I got home last night my house was hotter inside than it was outside. The central AC unit is too small for my house and the pipes freeze all the time so we can’t run it all the time. My kids pretty much live in my room where there’s a portable stand up AC unit and it’s cool. I can’t work out in that and actually be successful so I headed to the gym. I compiled all the weights and bars, Bosu ball, matt and step platforms I would need to stay in the corner and do my thing. I start my routine and I am looking in the mirror and think to myself that I look ok in my arms and shoulders at the moment. Not perfect, not horrible either. I’m 49 after all and no spring chicken. I am doing supersets today which is 2-3 exercises done in succession without a break for each set that you do. I like this and it gets more done faster. I do my triceps and pushups quietly in my own space but then I get to abs and legs and she started in on me. That fucking bitch! As I squat with a plateless bar I can hear her saying “look at that fat ass trying to squat. She’s drawing so much attention to herself! She looks ridiculous!” Shut up asshole! I think to myself. Just ignore her I chant, you’ll be done soon enough and she’ll be just a memory. Now my sons ex-girlfriend walks by…great, I’m sure I’ll now be the fat beast at the gym story later. I press on. She starts in again when I get to my sit ups on the Bosu ball with and without weights. “Do you want a plate of pasta with that giant roll ya got there honey?” God, GO AWAY! I hear her during all the lower body exercises relentlessly bullying me to stop. Making me want to go home and quit, but I don’t. Now that’s all I can look at with each rep, my roll, my fat being squished up. It’s now in my head and I’m dreading the next “UP” because I will see it again. Is it over yet?…..
Do you know what I did at that point? I picked my head! up, looked right at that girl….the horrible bitch in the mirror and told her “Not today bitch! You won’t get the best of me today and you won’t make me quit! So Fuck you” and I finished without another word from her.
Sometimes you have to be strongest against the person in the mirror, the one in your head that just won’t back down or leave you alone. The person inside who taunts you and gives you self doubt. Don’t quit! Quitting is the easy way out and that is not how we will be successful at anything if we let our inner nay sayers get the best of us. Don’t Quit, Keep Going! You can do this!
These pictures have become the weekly bain of my existence. Weekly progress photos as I progress through this Fighter Diet program. Don’t get me wrong, I like seeing progress but it’s incremental and I’m anxious to see major results. All I see some days is a big butt, cheese legs with a side of back rolls looking back at me. I’m proud that I’ve stepped up my workouts and I’m working hard most days for sure but the improvements are so minor that when the scale says +3lbs I get a little discouraged. I’m in better shape than a lot of the people doing this challenge but I’ve been working out longer. I’m trying to take my own advice which I would give to anyone and that is to be patient and just keep going. It’s like anything really, like growing up and not seeing daily changes in my kids but one day I would look at them and all of a sudden WOW they found their adult bodies / faces. It’s going to be like that I figure so it’s just a waiting game. I’ll tell you what’s hard… what’s hard is posting these pics for the entire challenge community to look at and judge. There’s a hard pill to swallow for sure but I did it. Who really cares…no one. So as I am about to plan and put together my meal for tomorrow I’ll try and keep in mind that patience is a virtue and the scale does not rule my world.
HAPPY RUNNING! KEEP GOING!
So we started week 3 of the Fighter Diet yesterday and for the first time I stayed on plan over the weekend! I feel really good about that because on the weekends I don’t necessarily eat badly, but I don’t usually count like I should. Now, it’s bad enough that I don’t eat the menu the way I’m supposed to but I’m ok with that because I still count and I still stop when I should and I’m working out almost perfectly. My issue now is fitting 3 weight workouts in in the week. You see, Sunday is long run so I do M-W-F weight days or try to. I used to be able to run every day in succession without an issue. That was 9 years ago. Now, running two days in a row and even every other day when there’s a weight workout in between that includes squats and leg stuff, my legs are generally lead on the run / cardio days. I’ve been taking Saturday off and running on Fridays because I have a race in a few weeks to run. It’s not far, 7 miles but I can’t skimp on running training. When the race is over it will be easier to not worry about running days as much not to mention I really want to follow the planned weight workouts better than I am. There’s always something that gives us a challenge or at least there should be I think. So I will do my best to actually get a third weight workout in this week. It might be easier since I’m joining a new gym where I get the use of a trainer as much as I want. Maybe that will help. We’ll see but I’ll keep going as hard and strong as I can to wherever the week brings me. Week 3 and I’m not discouraged so that’s good. Other people in the group for this challenge / diet may be but I found my happy medium and that’s all that matters.
I started this Fighter Diet ( @Fighter_Diet ) technically 4 days ago if you count today. The challenge actually started today but I have to be ahead of everyone so I started counting nutrients and measuring stuff on Sunday. I put my book together with all the support docs they give us and also included log sheets for the next 40 or so days of the 87-ish that make up the challenge. I have all the workout logs and the food breakdowns in there. It’s my bible for the next 12 weeks! Ok, that’s not so strange as I am an organized person to a fault. Not perfect of course because attention to details in some things isn’t where it could be but mostly I hold the title for organizational queen. Today however, I went out at lunch and bought the stuff to make these weird looking but very popular, pancakes (or waffles) that everyone taking the challenge is raving about. Not only did I buy the ingredients I didn’t have at home but I also bought an alternate for variety or choice if I don’t like the first one. I also bought another ingredient that is in my book because it looked healthy and good and just 4 days in I’m starting to get sick of the same foods every day. NO, what I’m sick of mostly is writing down the same stupid foods every day on my sheet. Not sure why that’s bugging me but it is. So now I’ll have a choice but whatever happened to waiting to see how at least week 1 panned out before jumping all in? Clearly I’m a fan of this program and I’ve thrown caution to the wind because I’m convinced it’s going to work for me despite my reservations about the food consumption. You see, I already work out as much if not more than they tell the participants to do in the program. Many of this group are out of shape with little to no fitness in their life so for them this program will be a godsend. For me I’m hoping that counting my nutrients and drinking a TON of water above what I usually get down in conjunction with upping and switching up my weight workouts a little will be the difference. Having people to talk to about what I’m doing who understand it because they too are living it is helpful. Seeing other people’s motivation and success/ failures makes me feel normal and having drank the proverbial Coolaid is helping motivate me to keep going every day. Seeing all these before pictures of people who also jumped in head first is inspiring. Probably why I sent in my pictures because who the hell cares what I look like except me. It all boils down to the fact that I’m stoked to be doing this. I’m happy that there are coaches with what seems like endless patience for people who could answer their own questions if they would just READ the material that was handed out. One of the things that I like most about this challenge is that I don’t set the workouts. I have to follow what they set forthe as the workout for the week. I can’t change it, skip it (well I could but I won’t), substitute it at all. No one is monitoring me but me and I really don’t want to be on the other side of that face in the mirror. I’m more motivated to follow a specific plan laid out week by week than I am continuing to lay out a new plan for myself and going at the moderate workout in an average way.
I am a foodie plain and simple. I love food. I live to eat good food and thankfully I am a modified good eater that broke old bad food habits. I wake up thinking about what is for breakfast, lunch and dinner and go to bed thinking about the next day’s food adventure! Well, I never would have thought that I would be bitching about how much food I have to eat but here I am dreading all the food I must eat today. Now when I say dread I don’t mean I don’t want to…..I just am not looking forward to actually consuming that much food. I am now on Pauline Nordin’s Fighter Diet. I don’t follow her recipes but those are just suggestions for those who can’t get going or need tight guidance. I don’t need this. It’s a program with a specific workout regimen and a very specific plan for counting calories, proteins, carbs and fats. Well let me be the first to say that I LOVE the organization and planning part of this diet but I HATE actually writing it all down and planning meals for the day. Such a pain in the ass but I’m doing it. This plan calls for ME (specific calculation based on where I want to get to) to actually eat 2,175 calories! OMFG! I usually hover around 1,100 – 1,400 per day and maybe a scooch more on workout days which is pretty much every day. 2,175 doesn’t sound like much but believe me when it isn’t coming from shit you’re just shoving in your face but from calculated planning it’s a shit ton of food. I eat all damn day long! Now no complaints from me about eating but it seems like I never stop. I will say that having to write it all down and be accountable for each thing I am eating is a major stopper to just snacking whenever I want. Having to report to myself for each calorie and try to stay under the daily limit took me over an HOUR last night to plan out. I added and then subtracted foods, erased things and did the re-add thing for all the numbers until I got as close as I could for the day. It is never going to be dead on to my planned max for each of the 4 categories but I do my best. Which is all I can do. I’m nervous about putting on weight because of all this food but my friend Cherrie says to have faith in the plan because she’s proof that it works like it should and if you follow your plan. I signed up because I want to look good for my age…well better anyway. I signed up so I am not a blanket dweller at the beach who is afraid to show some skin because it’s all cellulite. I don’t want to get all mushy or mushier and if I can tighten my core for a good Falmouth this year I’ll be super happy not to mention that looking ok in a bathing suit at the company outing in a few weeks would be outstanding too. That one is just a bonus. So this is an experiment for me to see how good I can be and how well it will work. I want to learn how to feed my body and make it do what I want. It should be interesting so stay tuned for Fighter Diet updates. My Bad Ass B friends are all doing it so it’s more fun in a group. So happy these ladies are my friends!
So this past weekend I thought my son was missing. He’s 20 and abroad for an internship that was a surprise find. He’s super smart and resourceful and mostly street smart but above all he’s human. Now we hear from him every day even if it’s just a text saying hello. Friday he said he wanted to call on Saturday which was fine. Negotiating the time difference can be challenging but we make it work. Saturday came and was nearly over and his girlfriend texted asking if we had heard from him yet. She is a little bit of a nervous person so we work with that when it happens. She said he wasn’t responding to any communication to her at all. No texts, Facebook messages, Snapchat, email …. nothing. We hadn’t but we figured we would. I reassured her that it was probably a dead phone and told her to relax and go do something to keep herself busy so she didn’t think about it. By 11pm I was a bit worried because it wasn’t like him not to send at least a quick note. I sent him a text before I went to bed for what would end up a restless poor sleeping night and laid my head down. In the morning….no John. No messages from John and he’s not even answering his father. Ok, in my head my son is now a missing person. I go about my morning trying not to panic but the plants in my yard know what was really going on as I sobbed and confessed my horrible fears to them as I watered them. By 11 am we were now compiling the numbers of all the people we need to call to find him if he doesn’t show up to work on Monday. The internship people, hospitals, the police and basically anyone breathing. My head was already on the plane and headed for the morgue to identify my son. There is NOTHING scarier to me than missing a child and not being able to do anything about it. No Bueno. The world is a very big place and helpless isn’t just a state of mind for me any longer. I start to lose my shit. I rode my stationary bike for 30 minutes but needed to keep moving so I don’t have a full on panic attack. I headed out for a walk in 95 hot humid degrees because running really wouldn’t have gone well and I walked 4 miles. Miles that kept me in motion working the problem. Miles that made me feel better and prevented the world from closing in around me. Miles that kept bad news away. All the while I realized that it’s probably what I told his girlfriend the night before and is some stupid thing that prevented him from calling us. When I get back home I begin looking for his location on my find my friend map and I see it’s not changed in hours. So maybe he dropped it and isn’t dead. Maybe it’s at some criminals house who relieved my son of his phone before throwing him off a bridge in another country that I can’t get to right now. All of a sudden I get a message “Hi Mom” from Johnny…. before I throw up from stress relief I ask him to tell me the name of our dog. We no longer have a dog but John would know that and I needed to just make sure that it was really him. Do you know how long it felt like for those bubbles to pop up … not long really but to me it was like an hour! His answer was “we don’t have a dog you loon”. Magic words!!! No John we don’t. I said back to him, just answer the question. My much needed confirmation came through with “OK, (name of dog)”. Best two words I have ever seen, almost as good as “it’s a boy” the day he was born. RELIEF. It turns out he lost his phone in a café and by the time he went to get it, the place was closed. A good Samaritan had turned it in and he went and got it on Sunday. It was all just nothing and he said he sent a Skype message to us but we never got it. All of that internal turmoil for nothing. I can’t imagine the horror for a mother and father who really do have missing child. My heart goes out to you all.
Anyway, I found Johnny because he wasn’t missing and because of my 4 mile walk I won the step challenge last week. Kind of a funny way to win a challenge but it happened. May it never happen again quite that way!