Dear Bathroom scale…Fuck You!
- I hate you!
- You are a big liar!
- I’m very unhappy with our current discussions!
- Why can’t you lie in my favor?
- I think you need an adjustment!
Now that that is out of the way, I feel better. Welcome to the Bathroom scale bashing episode. Not really, it’s more like the “Take responsibility for your lack of self control asshole” episode. So, what happens when you get happier in your life? What happens when you find some complacency in rest days? What happens when you get lazy and go back to sampling everything, taking bites out of this and that and having buttered popcorn and ice cream or DQ often? You gain 7 lbs! That’s what! Ok, maybe it’s just more like 4 but it feels like 10. Not so long ago, before I began going on break with the ladies at work and when I was religiously faithful to a calorie count I was hovering around 163 / 162 for a long time and now I’m nearly 168 and not happy about it! If you think you can just count calories in your head accurately or keep portions to the right amount, perhaps you can but I sadly cannot.
So there will be some changes made immediately! First, I got my new Speedo, bathing cap and goggles so this fatty will be getting in the water asafp and doing laps until I feel like I’m going to die. Second, I need to stop effing snacking! I actually go on break with the ladies at work and we eat. There’s no need to eat on break other than I am just following the crowd. It’s not even like I’m just having one snack, OH NO! I’m eating 1.5 containers of yogurt with about 3x the servings of granola mixed in with a banana chaser. Something big like that with extra calories isn’t really called for especially when I need to lug my bag-full-of-rocks ass up a huge hill in November. Uuuggghhh! So there are those changes. I’m also trying to up my water intake and lower the coffee that I consume from two cups a day to one. Last night I was laying in bed and actually hungry at 10:30. I got up and got a handful of crackers which probably wasn’t ideal but it was an easy reach, easily digestible and did the trick. Crackers are another thing I’ve had far too much of lately. Bread, although it is my weakness, is my enemy too. Bread pounds find me like a kid finds the hidden chocolate. I’ve also stopped recording everything I eat in the My Fitness Pal app. That is where it all went wrong because if I am not held accountable for everything I’m shoving in my pie hole then how can I watch what I’m eating other than watching it go in?! I started logging again yesterday and I think that will help. Weigh ins on the same day every week and not every day will also be useful and keep me on the straight and narrow. The goal is to dump 10-15 lbs by November if possible and I’m going to do my damdest to make it so. All you need in this world is the “want to” and you can do it. So long story short is that I need to quit snacking, start logging and up the workout routine to include some new and different things outside of what I’m already doing. Here goes, stay tuned!
One of the things I like about being in my position having come from a weight problem, depression, eating issues and lack of motivation is my ability to speak from experience. It’s one thing to try and make someone feel better by telling them that they will get there but it’s entirely another to look them in the eye and tell them with complete conviction that only they can reach their goals through making a change. Telling someone that they have to change their habits and be motivated and determined and focused. Assuring them with the tone of my voice that it can in fact be done but they have to WANT to do it. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it till I die, unless you are in a wheelchair, dying or dead, where there’s a will there’s a way. Blind people have run marathons, people without limbs compete in all kinds of sports, fat people lose hundreds of pounds without surgery and why? Because they have sheer determination and will power to do what it takes to get it done. It’s funny how having experience changes how you say something to someone looking for advice. Not having experience makes you want to tiptoe around feelings and impressions. Having experience waives all that because you know how to get it done because you’ve done it and you didn’t accept excuses from yourself and you’re not about to accept them from anyone else. The bottom line advice is Just Go Do It! Period. I did it and so can you! What are you waiting for?
I am so tired right now from working all weekend on sets. I went from Art Department -froo froo, making it pretty to construction person wielding a screw gun and a drill. Although screwing 3″ nails into 2×4’s isn’t “hard” per se, my body feels like it was at this very moment. Last night I thought I would go for a run this morning but this morning my body informed me it was too tired to run. After some bargaining it agreed that we could do some Tabata but not a full hour which was just fine by me. 49 minutes later and much grumbling through every single exercise, I was done. Can I just tell you how heavy 10lbs feels when you’re tired. VERY! Nonetheless I finished fairly respectably and gave it a good push for what was in my tank. I could have taken a day off and it would have been fine. I could have just ignored the fact that goals don’t happen by themselves but the fact is that goals don’t happen by themselves. They take dedication and consistency even on the days that you don’t feel like doing anything. Today was that day for me. Having pushed myself through a workout makes me feel powerful and gives me that feeling of proven application to back up the words of wisdom when I tell someone that fitness takes sacrifice and dedication. As I have found out in the past, laziness is all too easy to fall back into like the lotophagi who ate the lotus fruits as depicted in Greek Mythology. Laziness used to be my habit until I broke free and took my life back. It’s a temptress that is difficult to break free from if you don’t stay focused. I have bad days where I just can’t get it together to do anything but today isn’t one of them thank goodness! Today is a win for me so we will continue to take it one day at a time making progress, albeit slow progress toward the longest and healthiest life that I can possibly have.
Have you had tough days where you just didn’t think you could motivate yourself? How did you push yourself to get it done?
I have this horrible habit when I run of looking down. Now this is problematic for several reasons. It could get me hit by a car. Considering that I run with earbuds it could happen and that would in fact be bad. This little bad habit causes me to miss a lot of the things people tell you not to miss in life like flowers and pretty sights along the run. Although I don’t look down the whole run, I do struggle to maintain my line of sight straight ahead. I actually started my running this way because I was fat and struggling to breathe. I didn’t want to see how far I had to go so I would look down focused on the ground in an effort to not panic at how much more running I had to do. It’s just how I learned it. The less I looked up, the less I could see people giving me the “you’re fat go home” look. The less I could see pity in the eyes of other runners and bikers who probably wondered to themselves why I was torturing myself. Now, as a runner I would never EVER think that about anyone who is out there trying, no matter what they looked like because I was that person. So I began by not meeting the eye of passing cars or people and I find it so hard to break that habit. I have to force myself to stop looking down when I catch myself doing it, which is still a lot. I’ve come a long way and I have so much to be proud of and I know it. I feel good and have so much confidence now. I feel strong and accomplished and I might even say a little bit bad ass! It’s hard to run and I do it as many days as I can which is something many can’t do and some won’t do. I’m so proud of myself and I shouldn’t be looking down because that’s a short sighted view that never changes compared to the wonderful view ahead of me each time I go for a run. Like anything it’s just a matter of time to break that through repetition and consistency. It’s a goal I have for myself for this year and I’ll certainly get it done because I have learned over the last 2,132 days like so many other life lessons and self evaluations that I’ve conducted and learned.
What are some bad habits you have while you run?