I have always been brought up believing in God and Jesus Christ. I am Protestant by baptism but I just like to call myself a believer. Isn’t that what we all are after all? Believing in a higher power which we strive to be with after our physical existence here on earth ends. I am not shy in sharing thoughts about my belief in the Lord with those who I feel need it. My children are accustomed to hearing me speak about acting in a way in which God would want and have all gone to Sunday school and been confirmed. They have a solid foundation as do I. I know that God exists and in our darkest moments he touches our lives in ways that teach, help or renew. I have needed him on occasions mostly in my adult life and for the big things he has taken time to reach out to me. I believe these times are what some may call signs. I call them that too.
When I wasn’t sure I wanted children I received three copies of the same book (I didn’t read at this point in my life). It was a Danielle Steel book with three main characters. One who didn’t want children, one who wasn’t sure and one who couldn’t. The book took the reader through their personal struggles with this decision. A sign.
A few years ago I was unemployed, 50 lbs overweight and pretty much hiding from life. I felt and I looked revolting with an attitude to go with it that all added up to a recipe headed for bad things including a divorce. I considered taking the one thing God gave me, my life, and throwing it away. I could barely get out of bed let alone do what I promised my family and provide for them. I wandered through every day in a daze unable to fend for myself and unable to get it together. During this time I had the audacity to take actions and tell God that it was too bad for him if he didn’t like it. Well that was fine for a short time but God knew I needed a lesson and I was delivered the lesson of my life. It was a crushing and brutal reality that nearly destroyed me. Something I least expected happened and I was left to live through it, deal with it and do something about it. June 25, 2010 my lesson was delivered. June 27, 2010 I began running for my life and deciphering what God was trying to teach me. I ran mad for almost a year. I wasn’t eating right and made salad, water and coffee pretty much my staple foods. I became nearly emaciated but was oblivious to anything resembling nutrition of any kind. I kept asking God when the lesson would be over but did not get answers that I was looking for. I was not paying attention to what he wanted me to learn so the lesson continued and I kept running. Then on April 15, 2011 I began confronting my demons and fighting for my sanity, my marriage,my life and family. As I stopped being selfish and wondering why me, things slowly began to be revealed and to improve. Although it is not perfect I am in a much better place. It is through these lessons I have learned to be less selfish, more loving, see things from the eyes of others, spend more time with my kids instead of just going through the motions of the day. I have and continue to learn to be a more tolerant and humble person and all of this has improved me greatly. It is not easy but every day I take the lesson that He has chosen for me and I try to apply it to my day. I remember where I was 4 years ago and although I don’t run mad every day nor regularly like I did before, I remember why I began running every single time I lace up my shoes. My motivation is now about health and myself, my wonderful family, husband who is my life and doing right by God and what He wants me to do with the life I took for granted.
He is with me every day in all that I do. I talk to him more regularly and am sure to thank him for what I have daily. Along my journey he has given me people needing help, words of wisdom, love, and other believers to talk to and share with. These people are usually ones that need to hear what I need to hear too. Sometimes my own words straighten me out. I usually have no trouble spotting these gifts as I call them, just like the signs I pick up on so easily. I never could see signs before but I guess once you open up your heart to the Lord fully you see and experience amazing things. I am a much happier person today still learning along the way.