Thanksgiving is now over. I did not eat as much as I thought I might. It sort of developed into a rest day because frankly I was just too tired to do anything by the time I had free time. I cooked all day, sat in the cold watching my son play football (and win) and then came home, pigged out, had a nap and then desserted and did nothing else. It was a long day like it always is but not one of gluttony as much as it was feasting. My son was home from college, something I look forward to more every time he has to leave me again. My daughter was here not rushing around in life as we all do. I see two of my three in passing now and that makes me sad. I miss them so much. So, according to the food index, Friday should have been a slower day on all fronts than Saturday was given the food that was consumed, but it was not to be so predicted. on Friday post-gluttony, I felt like and did 5 miles. I hit 2 and just felt like travelling on so I did. Saturday however, two days post feast, I ran just 3. Now I was super busy painting set pieces yesterday. I did nothing else but that pretty much. I started early and worked past lunch until it was time for me to take a needed break. I was starting to paint madly and that is usually an indication of break time. So I went out and I’m not sure if not wanting to, no oomph or being busy was responsible for my standard run completion but 3 and only 3 got done. I just don’t get why some days are so much better mentally and physically than others. I mean I understand it but it just makes me sort of sad that I don’t live up to my great day capability every day. I want to but it just doesn’t happen like I wanted or thought it should exactly when I wanted. I haven’t reached the days where I’m forced to say I can’t and for that I”m grateful. My hips get sore…more like the ball joint spot whatever that is. I just call it my hips. It hurts when I sleep on them for a long time too but there’s no meat there so who knows if it’s running, old age or just hypochondriatic disorder LOL. Anyway, getting 3 done is a blessing and still qualifies as big fat check mark in the getting it done list. For now we thumbs up and move on to tomorrow to see what I can get done. I’ll consider it a surprise that I look forward to unwrapping and putting in my daily scrapbook of “This is my life” because, well, this IS my life and I love it no matter what it brings me every day!
So today I am going to see my son for the first time in a week! Feels like a month but it’s only been a week. The only thing I have to do is go for a run so off I went to hit the road. I had plans on doing 5-7 today but the moment I put myself in motion it became clear that it might not happen. It was muggy and windy and hard to breathe. My legs felt heavy today I felt like my heart was beating somewhere in the 170 range the whole way. Come to find out it wasn’t any higher than normal which is 140-150 since I’m no Olympic runner. I’m ok with my pace and know I’m my only competition. I stopped every mile to rest which I hate doing because it makes me feel like a failure but it is what it is. When I got home I recorded a quick video as motivation for some that not all days are good ones and I posted it. I was proud to have thought up a new post rather than just the selfie that gets shared with the notes of the day. I came in to eat and get ready to head to see Johnny, got coffee and then it dawned on me… today is the 15th anniversary of 9/11 and I just posted a whiny video about 3 stupid miles. What is wrong with me! I sit here stewing about my little run wasn’t great and that I can’t see my son every day when some beautiful 15 year old child who lost their mother or father cries somewhere to once again grieve the tremendous loss that took away what I have. SHAME ON ME!
Perspective. I do try hard to never get lost in thoughts about what I don’t have or didn’t do or those kinds of things. Ask my kids what happens when they say something negative about someone….MOM gives them perspective about the potential list of things that they might not know about that person that may have caused whatever it was that they saw. You don’t know what you don’t know. Never judge because people do things to survive and those things, outside breaking the law which is almost always unacceptable, might not be what you understand. Circumstances drive action and we should do a better job at trying to understand rather than judge. Perspective changed my attitude today. It isn’t that my run was all of a sudden better or that it wasn’t so bad in the first place. It isn’t that my son isn’t far away from me based on having him around his whole life. It’s that the overwhelming reality of what today reminds me of makes those things seem just a little bit less of a big deal. So today I will go see my son and hug him tight and enjoy spending time with him. Leaving might not be great but it should be easier than last week when I left him there for the first time. At the end of the day I know I’ll see him soon and talk to him on Skype and I live for those moments like I live for the moments I spend with my youngest Son James and my Daughter Katy because time is fleeting and changing.
Perspective keeps us humble and lets us not be so critical of achievements that aren’t so great compared to what we wanted.